I've Lost Him
by Xenophili
Summary: It's the moment we all fear in a relationship...When you find out your love no longer wants you. But Sasuke, must you be so cruel? Angst. Break-up. SasuNaru.


"What the fuck do you think this is!"

"...What the fuck do I think what is?"  
>"Don't start the smart shit with me, Sasuke!"<br>"I'm not starting the smart shit. I was always smart. Still am, actually."  
>Of course Sasuke would say something like that. Of course he would do something like this, how could Naruto have not seen it? He should have expected it...Should have known it was coming the moment they started this relationship.<br>Sasuke...had always been like this.  
>"What, you're not going to try to explain yourself this time? You're just gonna stand there looking all superior? Is that all you've got to say!" he roared at the man he'd been in love with for the past five years.<br>"There's nothing to explain, Naruto. What are you talking about, anyways?" Sasuke inquired as he raised an eyebrow almost mockingly. "I have nothing to vouch for."  
>"Bull shit!"<p>

Naruto was standing across their shared living room, cheeks turning a healthy shade of red as he failed valiantly to suppress his raging anger at the man standing on the other side of the room. His legs were spread partly to keep him up straight and balanced. The toasty air in the room was making sweat appear on his forehead in little droplets as his blood rushed under his skin and mixed with his adrenaline. He was panting and glaring and _hurting_all at once and he didn't know which one would make him faint first.

Sasuke was casually leaning on the large window, looking out over the night of the city. People milled about in and out of little shops and he observed them with a calm curiosity. The winter air was falling down over the town, and the street lights bounced off of passing leather jackets and plastic shopping bags. It was a beautiful sight to Sasuke, who found it far more interesting than whatever was going on closer to home. He was acting as though there was absolutely nothing wrong inside their apartment. He didn't even glance at Naruto, just raised an eyebrow as the edges of his lips twitched every so often.

For some reason he enjoyed upsetting the blond now screaming at him at the top of his lungs.

It was...entertaining.

Finally Sasuke sighed and turned his head slightly to lock eyes with Naruto, as if he had finally won the right to have Sasuke's acknowledgement. His eyebrow was still raised and his expression tauntingly calm as he examined the angry wetness rimming Naruto's electric blue orbs. It almost made him laugh.

"Mind explaining then? What is it then that I've done wrong?" Sasuke said in a low, almost serene voice.

Naruto was shaking now, hands fisting up and slightly crumbling the papers he clutched tight in his left hand. He held them up higher so Sasuke's eyes could catch sight of them. He had to resist the urge to just throw them at the bastard. It would accomplish nothing at this point.

Sasuke saw them, and his mouth twitched again. He knew what those papers were. Why, he had just signed them a few days ago. He played dumb, however, and decided to ask what those papers were.

"You know damn well what these papers are!" Naruto yelled again, voice beginning to go hoarse and shaking. "You _signed_them!" He spat, and took a threatening step towards Sasuke and stopped himself from taking a few more to close the gap between them.

Sasuke wasn't worried, though. Naruto posed less of a threat to him right now than a feather floating down from the sky. He became rash and predictable when he was overwhelmed with emotions such as moments like now.

"And those would be...?" Sasuke asked again, and the pools gathering at the bottom of Naruto's eyes spilled over.

When he thought of the papers again and back to when he was reading them he couldn't help but lose control over keeping back the tears and shock and anguish and utter sense of _betrayal_.

"You-" Naruto choked, trying to get the words out.

"You..." he tried again, slower, but something jumped up into his throat and blocked it, stopping him from continuing. It could have been his heart that was jumping. It certainly felt like that's what it was doing. His stomach wanted to turn itself inside out, his eyes wanted to roll back into his head, his head was becoming light, arms and legs were going numb from the feel or energy rushing to them, and everything just felt so _wrong._

He swallowed hard, trying once more and getting the sentence out in just a whisper, mixed with something akin to a whine. Most certainly that feeling of betrayal had found its way into his vocal chords, and Sasuke would definitely hear it.

"You...annulled our marriage?"

Sasuke couldn't stop himself. The smirk broke out before he could control it, and he saw something in Naruto's expression break. He felt triumphant that he held the power to be able to pull such an expression from the depths of Naruto's heart. Sure the blond was known for wearing his heart on his sleeve, but it was a heart made of steel. And, well, Sasuke knew just how to break it.

Naruto's eyes grew wide with realization at the smirk deforming Sasuke's sharp-featured face. He appeared demented and cruel. Either that, or he really was. Naruto felt his chest had being torn open with that smirk, and his heart was being squeezed until it could no longer work. His breath hitched and the lightness in his head exploded for a moment before he could focus his eyes again, which had at some point glazed over and drifted off.

"Naruto," Sasuke said after the short pause and got a clear look at the change in Naruto's expression.

He looked hopeless and helpless.

Sasuke rolled Naruto's name over his tongue and noted how said man tensed up at the tone.

"That much should be obvious, right?" His voice turned condescending, and Naruto's expression quickly switched from despair to anger in a flash. That wave of depression turned itself into fuel for his anger towards the raven-haired man.

"Sasuke, what the _FUCK_!" His energy renewed, Naruto began to scream again, voice raising with each word he spoke, but finding that to be the only line he could think of saying at the moment. Even if his mouth was working, his mind could think of nothing else to say. Why would it? Nothing was making any sense anymore.

Sasuke sighed, and pushed himself from the window with his shoulder and his raven-colored hair swayed slightly as he did so. He finally turned his whole body to face Naruto and address him with his full attention.

"You're going to have to be a little more clear than that," he said as he stepped slowly and purposefully in Naruto's direction. "What '_Fuck_' are you referring to?"

As he stepped closer Naruto couldn't help but involuntarily slide backwards, anger levels falling for a moment as his mind tried to assess if there was any danger lurking within Sasuke's dark expression. Before long he was touching the wall, and Sasuke was still advancing in his direction, smirking all the while.

The tears renewed as Naruto gazed upon Sasuke. The grace with which he moved, so delicately, yet threateningly at the same time...The modest sway of his hips, the way his legs glided and his arms matched them...He could be coming to greet a friend or end one's life with the same type of saunter. _Swagger,_their friends called it. Naruto remembered how he used to love the silky way Sasuke carried himself.

Now he hated it.

"Why are you doing this?" he whispered as both his voice and legs shook. The traitors. They were putting his fear on showcase. His fear of being hurt, both physically and emotionally.

Of breaking mentally.

He wished this all wasn't real. But then again things never went his way, did they?

"Why?" Sasuke repeated and sounded confused as he stopped right in front of Naruto.

He tilted his head, letting his hair tilt with him as he seemed to actually consider the question, eyebrows knitting and his bottom lip coming up to press against the top. His eyes never left Naruto's face though, and they roamed over all his features. The gaze was inquisitive and scrutinizing and seemed to pass judgement on Naruto's lips, nose, eyes, eyebrows, and the scars on both his cheeks. Naruto felt like he was being x-rayed with those eyes. He used to love how intense they were.

Now...

As Sasuke's eyes roved over Naruto's face he hummed before he looked up to the blonde's golden head of unruly soft hair and stopped. Bringing a hand up he noticed smugly how Naruto flinched. Even though Sasuke had never laid a hand upon Naruto with harm or with the intent to during all the years they'd been together, it was still a joy to see how much the man before him feared his touch.

Sasuke's pale hand slinked into the back of Naruto's head and trailed into hair, and his fingernails scraped lightly against the man's scalp. It made Naruto shiver with something akin to dread. He remembered how that touch used to be loving. He had no idea how it turned out like this. He wanted to push Sasuke away from him to stop the now alien feel of his hand caressing his head, but his body froze up from their close proximity, arms hanging weakly in front of himself like a barrier between their two bodies. He didn't want to remember the feel he knew he would soon miss. Even if he wasn't breathing hard he could still catch small puffs of Sasuke's cologne. It was the one he wore because he knew Naruto loved its scent on him. He didn't want to smell it. It was making him nauseous.

Sasuke's hand curled up and pulled lightly on a tuft of hair tucked into his hand, making Naruto's face tilt up towards his own. Over the years he was the one who had gained the height advantage of the two. They used to measure the same.

Naruto had to close his eyes after one glance as he couldn't handle the inky black steel which Sasuke gazed at him with. They stung and tears were forced out as he did so. Sasuke's expression never used to be like that. Of course he always had the ability to make such a face, but never, was it _ever_ directed at Naruto.

And Naruto didn't want to remember that either.

The fingers tightened in his hair and a new wave of shivers found its way down his spine. Then Sasuke spoke.

"Naruto, look at me. _Look_at me," he emphasized as Naruto still refused to obey him. His fingers tightened more and the hold became painful as he grew aggravated at the blonde's unresponsiveness.

Once that happened Naruto's eyes flew open in reaction to nails digging into his skin and he angrily pushed against Sasuke's chest to put distance between them.

"Don't touch me you sick fuck!" Naruto growled as Sasuke straightened up lazily. He hadn't even been affected. He only sighed.

"You can be so annoying sometimes, idiot," Sasuke said as he rubbed his neck tiredly. It only made Naruto angrier. How dare he be so calm!

"Answer me then! Why...Why would you annul our marriage! How could you..." his voice trailed off as he drew in deep breaths, tears still falling like waterfalls.

"We've been together for _five_years, Sasuke! And now, out of the blue, you go and pull some shit like this!" he yelled as he threw the papers at Sasuke. They scattered around their feet. "Without a word, or any sign at all. This isn't even a divorce. You're destroying _everything_I've built my life around! And for what? Because you got bored or something!"

"That's exactly it," Sasuke cut him off, and smirked as Naruto froze, body and expression lost in time and eyes going wide once more. Sasuke had barely spoken above conversation level, yet his voice had carried stronger and far harsher than Naruto's yells. Now they both stood there as everything sunk in. For Sasuke, Naruto's lost expression.

And for Naruto...

"What? Are you...serious?" The despairing scowl etched upon Naruto's features hardened as another wave of tears claimed his eyes and cheeks. He had to wipe them away as they clouded his vision of the heart-breaker in front of him.

"Very much so," Sasuke said in an uplifted way and gestured towards the papers scattered around them. "Haven't you seen the papers? They do explain everything. Tell me you've read through them already?" and the smirk strengthened as he made his voice sound like it was questioning Naruto's competence.

"I have," Naruto said, head bowed as he continued to clear his eyes. "I've read them. _Twenty-seven_ times!" he yelled at Sasuke and he threw an arm out to his side, face snapping up to glare at him. "And I had to _keep_ reading them! Over and over and fucking _over_again! Because I just couldn't believe my eyes! How could you, Sasuke, the one who asked _me_ to marry him, who said he would devote all his life, love, and happiness to me, ask to completely erase it all! Because of what? You got _bored!__"_

Sasuke just shrugged half-heartedly and closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm tired of being married," he said, and stifled a yawn that he obviously didn't try hard to do. It still showed on his face.

"That's it? Are you fucking _SERIOUS!__"_ Naruto roared, and he charged at Sasuke, full intent to punch his face in, or maybe even his stomach so he puked all his guts out. Anything to rid himself of all these unwanted emotions. With each step forward one after another became more and more pronounced.

Anger.

Fear.

Betrayal.

Indignation.

Exasperation.

Depression.

Despair.

Embarrassment.

And even with all these there was just one he couldn't have himself feel. This emotion just didn't exist.

Not now.

And frankly, Naruto wasn't sure he'd ever truly felt it for anyone.

And that emotion was **Hate**.

But before Naruto's fist could connect with any part of Sasuke's body, Sasuke had moved. Using Naruto's momentum, Sasuke grabbed Naruto's fist and palmed his stomach to balance himself. Using the hand on Naruto's stomach he pushed up and made Naruto rise into the air and flip over Sasuke in an arc. Sasuke held onto Naruto's fist with the one hand still, and after Naruto had flipped over more than halfway brought his other hand to hold onto that fist as well.

Naruto fell on to the carpeted floor with a resounding thud, knocking the wind out of him. He gasped as he tried to expand his lungs and gather air, but his lungs weren't responding to his attempts and he ended going into a coughing fit. His arms were arms raised above his head and still being held onto by Sasuke who was bent backwards, both hands and feet still touching the floor. Slowly he brought his legs up and did a handstand, all of his weight pressing down onto Naruto's captured wrists.

Naruto grunted at the pain, but could do little more than that as he still tried to regain control of his breathing.

Sasuke then began to bring his legs down towards his stomach in very smooth acrobatic grace. He continued to bring them down until he rested both legs on either side of Naruto's waist, straddling him and locking him in place where he lay, still gasping, and now wincing at the pain of Sasuke doing so.

Sasuke brought his face down near Naruto's, and let his lips brush against the blonde's ear as he began to whisper, "Did you honestly think you could have hurt me?" and smirked as Naruto choked back a sob from escaping his mouth.

When Sasuke pulled back enough to look into Naruto's face to assess the damage he'd done he was surprised and flinched back. Naruto had gathered the saliva in his mouth and spat in Sasuke's face.

"Fuck you," Naruto ground out through his teeth, and watched in mirth how Sasuke's expression became annoyed when he wiped the spit off on one of his hands and then onto the carpet.

"You know," Sasuke said, voice louder than earlier and a tick growing in one eyebrow. "You really _are_annoying."

Then Naruto smirked, no matter how fake it may have felt. "My pleasure, bastard."

Sasuke examined Naruto's face for a moment before he scowled and loosened his hold on Naruto's wrists and stood up.

"It doesn't matter, anyways," Sasuke said, all play gone from his voice and posture, and he moved towards the front door where his jacket and shoes lay from earlier. Beside them were Naruto's own shoes and jacket. "I've said what I needed. I'm out of here."

Naruto sat up and turned to face Sasuke, a wave of panic catching him unawares. He pulled in a breath, ready to say something, but all words died in his throat. The intake of breath ended up sounding like a gasp, and Sasuke glanced over his shoulder.

"I was serious, you know," Sasuke said, a deadly tone falling into his voice, and turned back to put his shoes on by the door. "We're done. Those papers are real. If you want to talk to my lawyer you can. If you want to take them to court, be my guest. You will have accomplished nothing by the end, but if it makes you feel better about yourself, then go right ahead." He finished speaking, and stood up to slip on his jacket hanging on the wall.

Naruto stood upon shaky legs and used a couch for support, still facing Sasuke, and so badly wanted to say something to him. He wanted to hurt Sasuke just as much as he had just hurt him. Yet, as he stood there, watching Sasuke prepare to leave, he found himself not able to speak or utter a single word. All of a sudden all energy was drained from him. Now he just wanted everything to stop. He wanted the world to stop moving, to stop tilting, and _for__God__'__s__sake,_stop _changing._Even if he wanted to go up to try to punch Sasuke again, his body was physically unresponsive to his wishes.

So as he stood there, immobilized by himself, he could only think. And as he thought, there was only one thing continuously running through his mind in looping circles. It was making him dizzy and his vision was spinning. It was getting hard to keep the bastard in focus. The same bastard he couldn't stop himself from loving, even as his heart lay scattered in lumps and gory pieces waiting to be burned to ash. The realization of what it was brought fresh hot tears to his dulling blue eyes. They no longer had a reason to sparkle with life. What life did he have now?

And even as Sasuke said something else to him over his back...

Even as Naruto saw the front door to their apartment open...

Saw as Sasuke stepped out as if in slow-motion and he caught every detail of that moment in vivid detail forever scorched into the back of his eyes...

And saw as the door clicked closed with a finality that was deafening and breathtaking all at once...

_Even_ as he fell back to the floor on his knees and bent forward, hands curled and tearing into the carpet that he and Sasuke had picked out together three years ago that smelled just like him, the thought never left his mind.

_I'm losing him._

_The love of my life._

_Sasuke._

_No._

_I've...Lost him._


End file.
